Peace
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
The largest (and worst) battles I have ever fought have been those between my ears--when I warred with myself. What a confined arena for battle, too! And when such a situation develops, there is only one of two ways to handle it: deal with it or escape from it. But just a word of warning here: any escape from it is only temporary--it WILL come up again, because you see, no matter where I go, I am always there. And the longer the delay, the worse it becomes. Damage control and recovery costs a lot more physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually. When I repented of my years of rebellion against the Lord and that which He wanted me to do, I found I had a serious problem to deal with: the area of my marriage. I had spent years and years cultivating an unnecessary defense against "No man is going to tell ME what to do!" I say "unnecessary" because other than male bosses I had throughout my life, none had tried to. But what this attitude caused was a resentment toward men, even when they tried to give me good, solid advice. And simply because it came from a man, I rejected it. (I did NOT have an abusive dad to cause such an attitude, either. I had the same attitude against other women--"Who did they think they were?") But the problem with such an attitude against men was, I just happened to be married to one. One day, while I was doing some transcribing of taped sermons for a minister, I took exception to some scriptures the preacher quoted. (His message on that tape was to wives--I hadn't had any problem with the previous tape--a message to husbands.) My spirit got all twisted up inside of me as he began to describe me, er, a foolish woman: A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. Proverbs 9:13. (foolish and undisciplined) As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. Proverbs 11:22. (Ever seen a nice looking woman who ruined the effect when she opened her mouth?) It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21:9 (also 25:24). (NIV says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.") It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 21:19. (means the same as 21:9 and 25:24) A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Proverbs 27:15. (If you don't think a drippy faucet will "get on your last nerve".......) Well of all things! My immediate response was the usual, "Well, I wouldn't be that way if my husband didn't..........." However, there is NO justification for sin, which is exactly what I was trying to do: justify my actions by blaming their cause on my husband. Remember? We can deal with or we can escape from? I was trying for an escape by finding an excuse. I was trying to defend an attitude I had cultivated for many many years of my life. I had wasted much time honing skills such as the finesse of "the quick put-down", the art of criticism, the "I Know It All" syndrome. If I wasn't going to be steeped in the truest form of hypocrisy there is, those things would have to change, and it would have to start with ME. He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28. The preacher on the tape went on to say that in order for there to be peace in any marriage, it had to follow the ordained guidelines that God had laid out in His Word. "What ordained guidelines?" I muttered. The preacher's next paragraph answered me: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Ephesians 5:22-25. Well, I had started to walk this way--and was already snared by the truth: But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God. John 3:21. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth. John 4:24. And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32. Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. John 16:13. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth. I Corinthians 13:4-6. You see, my problem was, I wanted it all done in MY order, the sequence that I thought it should be. The ONLY time, and I re-emphasize that, THE ONLY TIME that my way is God's Way is when I am FOLLOWING HIS Way. And His Way was to get ME right, FIRST. Ladies, Ephesians 5:22-25 is not a put-down of any kind. Let me ask you, what woman amongst us does not know that women lead the way to Christ for their entire household, many many many times? But the only successful way to do it, is God's Way, and God's Way is that we ladies live the witness of the Lord Jesus Christ in our own household. If our husbands do not know the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, they can be led to know Him through our witness. But we have to obey God, and subdue ourselves unto His ordinances. This is not subservience: meakness is NOT weakness--it is controlled strength. One might say, "But I can't make my husband become a Christian." That's right. Remember the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink?" Now I know husbands are not horses (although we may have those moments when we feel they do resemble their close kin--the donkey), but here's the deal: what's the one thing that will make a person thirsty? Salt. NO! I am NOT talking about adding salt to their diet. The Word of God tells us, Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. Matthew 5:13. If we live the witness of Christ in our homes, we have more of an assurance that our husbands will be salted and will seek the Waters of Life that their thirst may be quenched. And yes, I realize there may be those husbands who never come to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. However, if we, as Christian women, have lived the witness of Jesus Christ in our lives before them, we have brought peace into our own minds, and that is where peace has to start: within ourselves. And that peace will spread outward, touching all those who live around us. I can assure you of one thing: if we don't live the witness of Jesus Christ in our homes, there will NEVER be the peace there needs to be. The only way we can stand on the promises of God is by being in subjection to His Will. And I wanted those promises of God: Though the Lord be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly: but the proud he knoweth afar off. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me. The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands. Psalm 138:6-8. I asked the Lord to Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10. And He did just that. The Holy Spirit enrolled me in "The-More-I-Learn, The-More-I-Realize-I-Don't-Know" University. It was shock therapy of the wake-up-to-reality-kind. He allowed me to realize that it directly affected my out-put--the witness I was supposed to be. No longer could I answer my husband in the "old way", even when he was wrong. And that included if he got upset at work and brought it home to me. (See, the devil comes against us in so many ways, and old self just loves pity-parties!) So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him... Genesis 1:27. And if God didn't need my help in designing my husband, He surely doesn't need my supervision in modifying him. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18. Well, there it was: whether I liked it or not, my place was to be my husband's helper, not his "Harpy". Needless to say, this all went "against the grain", let me tell you: God was just not moving fast enough for me! "My husband needed to do this and he needed to do that, and he'd better......." Those thoughts got me in trouble: it felt as if I had turned off a light switch: my spirit dried up within me. I felt isolated and alone. I endured that until I asked the Lord to forgive me (again). The light went back on: my spirit was revived and refreshed. It is possible to shut the Lord out, my friends, but it will be a time of misery for those who do. (The voice of experience is speaking--been there, done that.) You know, as Mothers, we strive to make certain our children learn and retain their own identities--yet as women, we keep trying to change a person who is already grown and has had their own identity for years. We virtually re-invent our husbands to fit our specifications. We would have a fit if a teacher said to our child, "Why don't you be like your older brother?" wouldn't we? Yet we do that to our husbands: "Well, your brother got his wife a new car!" God gave men and women different natures for good reason: that the two natures would work together to be one. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24. ...Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:5,6. And in so far as him having a "feminine side"? I sincerely hope my husband doesn't have a "feminine" side. He is the male and I am the female. We both have a role in our marriage, in our family, and at times they may overlap: it hasn't destroyed his masculinity to wash a load of clothes or cook a meal. Nor will I be giving up any femininity in knowing how to change a flat tire or take out the garbage. Being a man shouldn't mean being brutish in his actions toward me any more than being a female should mean I am shrewish in my attitude toward him. Yes, I got such marvelous peace the day I realized, and accepted the fact that my husband has his own thoughts and lo and behold, sometimes they are different from mine. He will never react to a situation the same exact way that I do. When I get concerned, I cry. He gets all gruff, but he is no less sincere than I am. Yet I can think of times I've chided him because he didn't react as "I thought he should" (in other words, just like I did). I have come to appreciate the fact that my husband is not a carbon copy of me. Thank God for that! So many times, it was him refusing to get angry that kept my anger from escalating, that kept me from making a bad matter worse. Time after time he has made a statement, a declaration of faith that reassured me, shaming me out of a valley of doubt. He has reminded me on several occasions that I have to let God have control--I must "let God handle it". He has never made fun of my Christian walk, even in my moments of error. When I began asking him, "What should I do about this?" in various matters instead of arbitrarily making a decision and then us arguing about it, I no longer saw an attitude from him of, "Well, I'm the boss, you'd better do it my way!" On occasion, there is something he needs done in a specific manner, but the majority of the time, he says, "I will back up whatever you decide. You have more experience with this." And I still have those glitches in my programming when I speak before thinking. Sometimes, soft words are the hardest things in the world for me to muster, but that doesn't change the fact: A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1. Old self has to be crucified daily. I must yield freely, not grudgingly, to the Will of God. And that Will is that He will have HIS Way in my life. So my dearest lady friends and sisters in the Lord, live the witness of Jesus Christ in your homes. For those of you who have Christian husbands, you will have added peace. For those of you whose husbands may not have made a commitment to Christ, your life can be an example to them, and if that's not a place of leadership, what is? If having respect for your husband is a problem, realize this: we must all subject ourselves to God. And in doing so, He will take care of the details, if we will allow Him. I cling to: The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands. Psalm 138:8. Thank God, He's not given up on me. Remember this: For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:26-28. If we are sold out to God, we, all of us, male and female, will be subject to those authorities that God has placed over us. And even in our households, we will follow what the Lord would have us to do in our Christian walk--we will have respect of and toward one another--a partnership, not a dictatorship from either side. Ask God to make the changes that need to be made, and then yield to His leading. May God bless you in all your endeavors for Him!
(all emphasis on scriptures, such as bold, underline or uppercase, is mine) "Peace" Copyright © 2000 by Patricia Sikes. All Rights Reserved
Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace
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