Nothing could be more wrong. The tears I shed are not tears of "unforgiveness toward myself". My past is just that: THE PAST. Thank God, He brought me through it and delivered me out of it. Nor do I cry tears of regret for that which I left behind. Through the precious blood of Jesus Christ, I asked for and received forgiveness and that settles the matter of my former sins. Through the Amazing Grace of God, I can go forward in Him, each day of my life. But Thank God, tears are a part of my life, now--these tears are a testament to the removal of walls I had erected, walls that kept me from being a witness for Jesus Christ for so many years.
These are tears of remembrance of who I used to be--tears of amazement at the changes God has wrought in my life. They are tears of gratitude that God did not give me what I deserved, as I had so harshly judged others for so long: "They are getting what they deserve"!
Let this explain it: There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. Luke 7:41-43.
For most of my life, I very rarely cried (and when I did, they were usually tears of anger that I hadn't gotten my way). Now don't get me wrong: the lack of tears in my life doesn't mean I was a happy person (no more so than a person who cries a lot is a sad person!). Nor does the lack of an outward show of tears mean a person is totally without compassion. But in MY case, the dryness of my eyes was directly linked to the hardness of my heart. I had a "stony-heart" and for the most part, felt that everything that happened to a person did so because (1)they either brought it on themselves, (2)they deserved it, or (3)they were too stupid to prevent it. Now that's a hard heart, my brothers and sisters.
And while I didn't always verbalize my opinions, or even consciously think them, my heart was hard and selfish. And yes, I know it's true: we can, through foolish decisions, cause some things (that could otherwise be prevented) to happen in our lives. I speak with the voice of experience on that matter: I insisted on the hard version of most of life's lessons because of stubborn rebellion against God.
However, at the time a person is floundering under the weight of an error they've made or an event that has happened in their life, is not the time to add the strength of my heel to their neck. Yet I did just that by my attitude(s), which kept me from extending a hand of compassion to help them. I am reminded of the story of the "Good Samaritan", found in Luke 10:25-37, wherein Jesus told the lawyer, to show mercy on others. I had no mercy--my theology was to do to others BEFORE they could do to me. And if I found them in the gutter, I left them there--they must have caused it. Is that not shameful? Yes, I am more than happy to cry tears of joy for deliverance from such an attitude. Thank You, Jesus! I thank You with all my heart!
Anyone who says humans are inherently good is not reading from the same Bible as I am: we are born with a sin nature; the natural inclination to do wrong has to be overcome. It's called "building character", remember? We are supposed to be taught, from an early age, to do "the right thing(s)" in life. I was, but then in my rebellion against God, I turned and went in the opposite direction. I wasn't raised in a harsh household--that's not the reason I rebelled. I rebelled because I chose to "experience" all that I thought I was missing out on. And through those experiences without God in my life, my heart grew harder and harder. Not only against God, but against fellow human beings.
Until the day that God, in His Infinite Wisdom, through His Eternal Mercy, by His Amazing Grace, decided He had had enough of my stupidity. He gave me what I honestly feel was my last opportunity to turn from my wicked ways, my rebellion against Him, by allowing me to see me as others did. I want you to understand one thing: I do not feel that humankind could ever create anything that was uglier, more reprehensible or repulsive, than what I saw, what I felt, that day. Nothing I had ever experienced before could compare with it. Suddenly my attitude was brought home to me: I was where I was, in the condition I was, because I had insisted upon it. I didn't want that! I wanted to be able to point the finger of blame at someone else: "they" caused it! Yet, there was no one to blame but me for my sorry state. No one else had done this to me, but me.
I cannot describe it, other than to say that as I realized all I had done, who I had become, how I had acted for so long, I became physically sick. The shackles I wore were not for any "crime" (as defined by human law) that I had committed. The bindings that confined me were not of any tangible material--they encased my heart, my soul and my mind. But Thank God, that day that awful spirit of rebellion and stubbornness was broken and I cried. Yes, that day, I cried for all the right reasons: tears of heartbreak for my rebellion against God and the terrible pain I had inflicted in others' lives for so many years; tears of conviction for my sins, tears of repentance for my wrongdoings, tears of rejoicing for His forgiveness. And today, I cry tears of amazement at His blessings.
I don't want to ever get past the tears again. Tears of genuine compassion, tears of forgiveness, tears of love, tears of gratitude, tears of conviction, tears of awe--oh for those tears. Lord, let me cry rivers, that I may never again have a stony heart toward others or You.
Let's take a look at tears in the Word of God:
Tears Of Conviction
And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster box of ointment, And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner. And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on. There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven. Luke 7:37-48.
Why was this woman crying? She knew two things: who she was and Who He is. She knew all that she had done and all He could do. Sure, there are those of us who have never lived such a life as this woman did. Yet for the rest of us, when we remember who we were, who we don't ever have to be again because of the mercies, the Amazing Grace of God through His Son, Jesus, it WILL put us on our face before Him. I lift Your Name, Jesus! I magnify Your Name, I worship and adore You, my Redeemer! Oh, the weight of my sins alone, that You have taken from me!
Tears Of Heartbreak
I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Psalm 6:6. Many times, David cried out to the Lord, as he tried to understand why things happened the way they did in his life. Just as we do, today. Heartbreak includes not only pain that has been inflicted upon us by another person or a circumstance--it also includes the tears we cry of sorrow and grief as we are parted from a loved one. Tears are a natural part of the impact of separation. Even if the death is not a matter of sudden, unexpected tragedy--no matter how long we may have had to get ready, there is no adequate preparation for the moment when we realize they have gone beyond where we can presently be. It is the realization that we will miss their presence that causes those tears to flow.
Then there is the heartbreak of the realization of our sin. Our Christian walk can only begin when we realize we have sinned (For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23), when we are genuinely sorry for those sins. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. Psalm 51:17. The way to the joy of forgiveness is through the desperate sorrow of the broken heart. And while there may be those who are genuinely saved without such a smitten heart, no less genuine is that one who cries brokenly as they realize the futility of their life without the Lord Jesus Christ.
Tears For Faith
And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit...And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming. And he asked his father, How long is it ago since this came unto him? And he said, Of a child. And ofttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him: but if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us. Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief. When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, saying unto him, Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him. And the spirit cried, and rent him sore, and came out of him: and he was as one dead; insomuch that many said, He is dead. But Jesus took him by the hand, and lifted him up; and he arose. Mark 9:17-27.
Notice that: virtually within the same breath (certainly within the same sentence), this man declared his faith, then realized that there existed the possibility of doubt in his own mind! Again, what did he say? "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." I wonder how many times we've fallen short of receiving from the Lord because we refused to ackknowledge our own doubt(s)?
Tears Of Tarry
And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. And Nathan said unto David, The Lord also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die...David therefore besought God for the child; and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night upon the earth...And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died...But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead. Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the Lord, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat. Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread. And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether God will be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me. II Samuel 12:13-23.
Tears Of Service
For Paul had determined to sail by Ephesus, because he would not spend the time in Asia: for he hasted, if it were possible for him, to be at Jerusalem the day of Pentecost. And from Miletus he sent to Ephesus, and called the elders of the church. And when they were come to him, he said unto them, Ye know, from the first day that I came into Asia, after what manner I have been with you at all seasons, Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations, which befell me by the lying in wait of the Jews: And how I kept back nothing that was profitable unto you, but have shewed you, and have taught you publickly, and from house to house, Testifying both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God, and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. And now, behold, I go bound in the spirit unto Jerusalem, not knowing the things that shall befall me there: Save that the Holy Ghost witnesseth in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions abide me. But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:16-24.
Tears Of Sympathy
Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. Romans 12:9-17.Tears Of Warning
For I know this, that after my departing shall grievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing the flock. Also of your own selves shall men arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away disciples after them. Therefore watch, and remember, that by the space of three years I ceased not to warn every one night and day with tears. Acts 20:29-31.
Tears Of Rejoicing
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. Psalm 126:5-6.
If in your life there are tears of sadness, or grief, or sickness, allow me to share these scriptures with you as personal reassurances to you from the Word of God, that Our Father knows of those tears you shed:
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5.
The Lord preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me. Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee. For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling. I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 116:6-9.
Now, I want you to understand one thing: we may still have tears here, for many reasons. But there is coming a day, when tears of sadness, sorrow, pain, suffering, grief, worry, fear, and such, will never be a part of our lives, ever again. Oh yes, that day is coming and the Word of God reassures us of it:
O Lord, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth...For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall...He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the Lord hath spoken it. And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he will save us: this is the Lord; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation. Isaiah 25: 1,4,8,9.
And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said, Blessed be ye poor: for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are ye that hunger now: for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh. Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake. Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward is great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets. Luke 6:20-23.
For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes. Revelation 7:17.
And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son. Revelation 21:3-7.
Please, study the Word of God. Read it, learn it, bind it to your heart for those times when you need the reassurances that it offers. If there are tears in your life, be not ashamed of them. If they are tears of need, sorrow, grief, concern, heartbreak, suffering, pain, or sadness, take them before the Lord. And ask others to pray with you! Never, ever be embarrassed to ask someone to pray with you about a matter.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:7-11.He will comfort you, and give you added strength to sustain you. May the Lord bless you abundantly in your service to Him.
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