fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
It shall be health to thy navel,
and marrow to thy bones.
Proverbs 3:7,8
My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. Trust in THE LORD Lord with ALL thine heart; and LEAN NOT unto THINE OWN understanding. In ALL thy ways acknowledge HIM, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:1-6.When Does Understanding Begin?
When we understand something, we "perceive and recognize the meaning of" it. In the life of any child, understanding begins even before birth, as the sounds of the "outside world" penetrate the walls of the body and womb in which it is carried. Even moreso once it leaves that womb and is "introduced" into this life: the undertaking of understanding is accelerated. While at first he or she may sleep for long periods of time, not much time will pass before that little one begins to resist sleep, in order to learn all the fascinating things that make up his or her environment.
Only those who are devoid of sound reason do not realize that a child gains a VAST amount of knowledge during its early years. While they may not know exactly how much, even the least educated parent can grasp that a child goes from being able to do nothing for itself to learning how to get around on its own and express its needs and wants through communication. Yet even the best educated parent too often ignores the value of what that child is learning as it grows and develops.
A child does not gain good understanding accidentally. It may receive all kinds of understanding, but good understanding for a child is the result of quality input from those it is around. The third chapter of Proverbs starts with "My son, forget not my law." In other words, "never forget the things I've taught you. If you want a long and satisfying life, closely follow my instructions." In order for a child to get good understanding, it must be taught. Yet too many times, we adults think of our children as miniature adults. They are NOT! We assume they know what we expect of them; we assume they know far more than we have taken the time and trouble to teach them. Or in many cases, they act how they have seen us act, yet we want to get all angry at them, when all they are doing is following the example of what they have seen from us!
Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retaineth her. Proverbs 3:13-18.The Value Of Wisdom
What is wisdom? Wisdom is not "education"--wisdom is the application of education. It is the application of the sum of what has been perceived and discovered and the ability to make "common sense" judgments through mature understanding. Time after time after time we have all seen (or read) of programs where children have been taught, "Do NOT go anywhere with a stranger!" yet (with VERY few exceptions), even that child whose parent insists will NOT leave with that stranger, does. Why? Because that little one does not yet have a mature understanding of such dangers. Or we hear of parents who have "taught" their children to not play with guns, yet hidden cameras have revealed the devastating truth: children do not comprehend the end results of such actions, and despite all we have "told" them (or in most cases, "assumed" they knew), they will still handle that weapon of death.
Why? It is because parents assume that the child "knows" what it is supposed to know, but even knowing what it is "supposed to know" does not equate to mature understanding. Now what that SHOULD tell us as parents is that we must be EVER vigilant. Even the "brightest" child can be persuaded into danger because they have not yet attained MATURE understanding. Sadly, many children suffer tragic consequences because their parents are not mature in their own understanding!
As parents, we are so foolish that we think it's what we can buy for our children that make them "wise". WRONG! Obtaining wisdom, the ability to apply what we know and thus make good judgments, cannot be bought. Wisdom is learned, NOT bought. The Word of God tells us that wisdom is more precious than rubies and nothing we could ever desire can be compared to it. That makes wisdom pretty important, wouldn't you say? Yet far too many of us don't have such wisdom--so how can we pass it on to our children? Let's face it, IF we were wise parents, we would spend more time with our children and less time doing many of the stupid, meaningless, valueless things that we do! IF we were wise parents, we would not be grasping and clawing and clutching all the material possessions our greedy little hearts can grab. Our time would be spent with our children, instead of allowing tv to babysit them.
A new commercial on tv now shows a high-priced van that comes with an "entertainment center" that the children can plug in to so the parents can have "peace and quiet". Hey, let's keep right on striving for less and less communication between parents and children, between siblings, OK? Our lives are already to the point that about the only time we communicate with one another is when the electricity goes off. We are allowing everybody and everything else to teach our children, then we sit around and moan and groan about what they have learned! Whose fault is that??
A fool despiseth his father's instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent. Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth reproof shall die. A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him: neither will he go unto the wise. The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness. Proverbs 15:5,10,12,14.Receiving Instruction
Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not. Proverbs 8:33.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not. My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path: For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood. Proverbs 1:7-10, 15,16.
Did you read it there: "Hear the instruction of thy father..."? FIRST, there must be instruction before we can hear it!! My mother used to use a one-word term: "behave". She would tell me that I had better "behave" myself. I, in turn, used it with my children until one day, after I had said it several times, my oldest daughter (at the wise age of three) tugged on my skirt and said to me, "Mama, what does behave mean?" Well, duh! I felt like an idiot (and rightly so!). I abandoned use of the word altogether and began to be specific in my instructions to her.
Want to know why our children reject our instructions? Because we, as adults, reject instruction. We have a real problem with authority: "You're not going to tell me what to do!" or "Who does he think he is trying to tell me what to do?" We won't receive instruction or counsel, and our children reflect it. I assure you, any child who tells their caregiver or teacher, "I don't have to do what you say" is from a home where there are no clear lines as to who is in authority. We, as adults, are supposed to be the leaders--our children do not have the mental maturity to make all of their decisions. That does NOT mean that a child's growing independence should be totally squashed (suppressed)--it does mean that a parent is supposed to be smart enough to know which decisions a child is capable of making and which should be left to the parent. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 29:15 that a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Proverbs 29:17.
A child reflects their environment--what is going on around them. When you meet a contentious child, I can assure you, there are problems in the home. Several years ago, I knew a man and his wife who were always soft-spoken and considerate of others, but their child refused to allow anyone to instruct her or tell her what to do. She would invariably disrupt church service by flinging temper tantrums, complete with nasty language. From conversations with the parents, we knew there was no medical reason for the child's behavior--we could not understand how such sweet parents could have a child who behaved like that. Until. Until the day several of the ladies arrived at their home for a Bible Study. They had brought refreshments and got there early to set them up. Before they ever got to the front door, they could hear screaming and swearing between the man and woman. Mystery solved! The child was merely acting out what the parents [thought they] were hiding from others.
Teaching a child to obey (receive) instruction does NOT mean that a child is to do everything some adult tells them to do! A small child cannot always discern between instructions from different people--they MUST BE TAUGHT IN THE HOME what is all right to obey and what is not! NEVER should a child be taught they are to do whatever an adult (or anyone older/bigger than them) tells them to merely because they are older/bigger than the child!! There is a world of difference in a teacher telling a child to sit down and do their work and some pervert telling a child to submit to their evil! Yet teaching that difference requires far more time than most parents are willing to give. The Word of God says, "If sinners entice thee, consent thou not." If someone attempts to instruct a child to do wrong, or to allow them to do something to that child that is wrong, that child needs to be able to know the difference between that and when an authority figure instructs them to obey a rule or change their behavior. Yet such "wisdom" MUST START AT HOME, and that does not mean by way of the television!
Parents don't want to be bothered. They don't want to invest time in their children. They send their children to school and expect the teachers to teach their children what they are not willing to teach them! Want to know why? So they can blame Somebody Else when that child goes wrong or something happens to it because it had not been taught! Children are sent to school to learn from books and from what the teacher knows through his or her education. Morals and the acquisition of wisdom are supposed to come from the HOME!!
People want to harp on "prayer in the schools". Of course, it's the current trend, a good-sounding political soapbox. Yet I would just love to know how many of those who harp on "prayer in the schools" have prayer in their own homes, with their OWN children?? IF there was more prayer in the homes, folks wouldn't have to worry about "prayer in the schools" so much. Yet it's just another thing we, as parents, are relegating to someone else simply because we don't want to take the time to do it. And let me give you another reason we don't do it at home: to be the examples we OUGHT to be to our children, we would have to give up some of the things we are doing in our own lives! And we sure don't want to have to do that, do we?? Oh no, it is far easier to soothe ourselves with the false balm of blaming someone else! So we [try to] push that responsibility off onto others, but it won't wash with God.
We, as parents, are our child's PRIMARY teachers. Yes, they spend a lot of time in the classroom, but we have a bond with them that they do not have with their teachers and we are held accountable for their actions. Not only by the laws of our land, but by God! The Word of God tells us that we are to train up a child in the way he (she) should go. Those of us who know the way are supposed to teach those who don't (our children), but we keep shoving it off onto Somebody Else.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4.Discipline Your Children
Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Hebrews 12:8,11.
Our children are instructed in Ephesians 6:1 to "obey your parents...honor your father and mother". However, let us note something else there that [conveniently] is forgotten by parents: And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.... It may say, "Fathers"--it means "Mothers" too. The reason it says "Fathers" there is because, according to the Bible, the "father" is [supposed to be] the leader of the home. In many homes, the "father" is incapable of being a leader or is absent, so this is to be applied to either or both parents: provoke not your children to wrath (anger). It does NOT mean that we are to fear correcting our child because they might get upset about it. It means that we, as parents, are NOT to misuse, abuse, bully, tease, or aimlessly cause our children to be angry simply because we know how to do it.
That's what I said--that's what I meant. How many times have you seen a parent take out their anger on their child? The car won't start: scream at the kids. The cashier wouldn't take their check, the child doesn't get in the vehicle quickly enough--the parent slaps and beats the kid in the parking lot. The parent wasn't angry with the child, but the child felt the brunt of the parent's anger.
Yes, children are admonished to "obey their parents". And that's where we cut if off, but there's MORE to it. It says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." ...In the Lord... Why does it say, "...in the Lord..."? OK, here's some rocket science for you: God has placed us, as parents, in authority over our children, but guess what that does? That makes us, as parents, accountable to God: ...in the Lord.... Doesn't mean simply because we are older or bigger or smarter (sometimes the "smarter" part is questionable) that we are to bully our children! Matter of fact, it goes on to say, "...in the nurture...of the Lord". What is nurture? To nurture is to promote or cultivate development, to educate or train. "Nurture of the Lord" is to train or cultivate development in the Lord, and it is through just such nurturing that we are to correct our children, and that our children are to obey us.
If we are unwilling to accept correction and chastisement from our Lord, Hebrews 12:8 tells us what we are: But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Ooooooooh, we don't like that, do we? That is definitely in the Politically Incorrect column today, isn't it? Oh well, truth is always truth--it stands eternal. The Living Bible says, "If God doesn't punish you when you need it, as other fathers punish their sons, then it means that you aren't really God's son at all--that you don't really belong in his family." The New International puts it this way: "If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons." Ouch! Proverbs 13:24 tells us "If you refuse to discipline your son, it proves you don't love him; for if you love him you will be prompt to punish him." You will deal with the issue and move on.
We are admonished to rightly divide the Word of God. Punish or punishment does not mean grab the nearest thing available and beat your child! If the only time we punish or correct a child is when we are angry, that is the way that child learns to deal with another: through anger! And I promise you, if you deal with a child when you are angry, you will not be open to reason and rational thought. I never accomplished anything good when I was in a fit of rage, and neither will you.
We must first learn how to control our own emotions before we can teach our children how to control theirs!! The Word of God tells us: He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated. He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. Proverbs 14:17,29. Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh NOT the righteousness of God. James 1:19,20. Truer words were never written! He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28.
If we, who profess to be followers of Christ, will first apply these instructions from the written Word of God to our own lives, we can then teach them to our children. If you simply stop and think about it, all of us have learned a great deal from the actions of others, sometimes more than we ever learned from their words. Many times their actions made their words empty.
Too many times, we send "mixed signals"; we expect our children to obey our every word but ignore what they see us do. Hate it for you, but it doesn't work that way. Not only do children learn by what they read and what they hear, they also learn by example of what they see.
We need to be "rooted and grounded" in the love of Christ. Why? That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive. Ephesians 4:14. The same thing applies to our children. IF we will be faithful and vigilent to teach them as we ought, the things that we ought, they, too, can be rooted and grounded. They, too, will be far better prepared to stand against the foolishness and cunning craftiness that the world has to offer!
"Good Understanding" Copyright © 2001 by Patricia Sikes.
All Rights Reserved.
If you have been blessed, give God the Glory!
Please sign our guestbook; let us know you enjoyed
"Good Understanding".
Thank you so much for visiting He Is Able!
ALL material on He Is Able is protected by copyright.
