Remembering Mama

I walked into the hospital room, just as the early morning rays of sunshine began to filter through the blinds. Mama had been there several weeks. I spoke to the nurse who was adjusting the fresh bed linens and waited for her to finish before snuggling the baby down by Mama's side. Then I leaned over and lightly kissed Mama on the cheek. "Mama, I'm here. Did you have a quiet night?" There was no response; I hadn't really expected one. Mama had withdrawn into the expanse that is neither of this life or the next one. Even the doctor had expressed that she seemed to be in a "holding pattern". I turned to the nurse to ask if she had had a peaceful night. I was startled to feel Mama's hand touch mine. I turned to hear her whisper, "Where's my little flower?" There wasn't a lot she could do with the baby--she just seemed to enjoy having her close. Weeks before she had announced, "I won't get to see my little flower bloom." Having grown up with so many flowers in our home I called it "Mama's Greenhouse", I had come to realize she was not referring to any of her plants or flowers--she meant the baby. Several times she had called the baby "My Little Flower". "Right here, Mama," I answered and placed her hand on the baby's chest. I watched as she slowly moved her hand up and gently rubbed the baby's cheek, without opening her eyes. Again, she spoke: "Did you see her?" "See who, Mama?" I turned an inquiring look at the nurse, who motioned me closer as she explained in undertones, "The charts indicate she had a very quiet night, but ever since I got in here this morning she's been talking to a lady in white over there in the corner." NO!  My heart twisted inside as I turned to look at the corner she indicated. It was the darkest part of the room, well away from the window. I wanted to run and scream--I knew now it was a losing battle for this side. I knew who it had been. None of the nurses at the hospital wore white or light-colored uniforms. The messenger had been sent and received. Mama was leaving and there wasn't a thing I or anybody else could do about it. "Mama? Mama? Mama, can you hear me?" There was the slightest of nods. "Mama, you can't leave me now! Look here, you've got to stay and watch your little flower grow. You've got to be here for Ric and Tif...I need you so bad...Mama, please, please don't go yet! Can't you stay a little longer?" There was no response. I was frantic. I had to try again. Maybe I could make her understand, or to want to fight to stay... "Mama? Mama! There is so much we could do. I would take care of you, I'd do anything you asked me to, I promise! Oh Mama, I love you...please don't go. Not yet. Please?" She opened her pretty blue eyes and focused on my face, speaking quietly, "I love you, too, with all my heart." She paused, then slowly added, "I'm tired, Sissy. I want to go home." I knew she wasn't talking about her little home out in the country. Suddenly she asked, "Do you think it will be like they say?" No fear, no agitation, just a question of wonder. Wait a minute! It's not supposed to be this way! Mama is supposed to reassure me! Who am I to tell Mama? I am the student here! What can I possibly tell the teacher?" Even the air in the room seemed to wait expectantly--the nurse paused in her duties and turned to look at us. Mama was waiting for an answer. Even now I remember how frantically my mind spun, trying to find something to say, when I heard myself begin, "Let not your hearts be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions. If it were not so I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you and if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself that where I am, there you may be also. Where I go you know, and the way you know." The nurse was crying and came to the bedside to take the baby as I held both of Mama's hands and recalled another of her favorite scriptures: "Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I reminded her of all the splendors of Heaven that she and Daddy had often described to me in earlier years. I remember crying so hard I could hardly talk, but I still could not let go. "Mama? Mama? What will I do without you? I don't know enough yet! I need you to stay with me!" Had my head been turned I would have missed it, so quietly she spoke. "I will always be with you in here," as ever so gently she smiled and laid her hand on my heart. "And if you ever need me? Just stand real still and remember me and I'll be close." Those were her last words and smile of this world. Her physical being lapsed into a coma and lingered for several weeks, but you see, her heart was already home. Throughout the years since Mama left this life, I have missed her more than I would have ever thought possible. Oh the times, the times I have wished I had that lap to crawl into and hide from the world, if only for a moment. Even so, just as she said she would, she has remained close in my heart through fond memories. Of the things I remember about Mama, two things have remained steadfast through the years: her example of a Christian life and her never-ending faith in an unchanging God. I find that as the years go by, just as she said it would, time seems to slip away more quickly than ever before, and I need to make each day count for Jesus. I can't imagine my having been able to get through all these years had she not taught me about Jesus. Had I not had that Rock to run to, there would have been no shelter in which to hide at times of greatest turmoil in my life. As the years go by, I realize that many of my thoughts and opinions have come full circle, to turn in the same direction as hers. My eyes, too, search the skies for the return of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am anxious for that Homecoming Day as my heart turns toward Heaven and Mama. Oh yes, I want to see Jesus, first and foremost, but what great joy to know Mama will be there, too.
"Remembering Mama" Copyright © 1998 by Patricia Sikes. All Rights Reserved.
The song you hear playing, "Farther Along", was one of Mama's many favorites. I took a keyboard to the hospital at various times and sang her favorites, including, "Heaven Will Surely Be Worth It All, I'm Going Through, Standing Somewhere In The Shadows, Come Unto Me, Hold To God's Unchanging Hand, Life's Railway To Heaven, Someone To Care..." I tried to sing all the songs I could ever remember hearing her sing or that she had said she loved. She faded in and out of her coma--I'll never know for sure how many, if any, of them she heard. But those same old songs still sustain and comfort me--these 20+ years she's been gone. Just as has her Jesus, for He's my Jesus, too. Never-failing, ever-faithful, unchanging.
The baby in the picture is almost 22; this is the last picture I have of my twin brother, Dale. After Mama died, he moved away and all efforts to locate him since have failed. Won't you pray for Dale, that he, too, will remember that which he was taught about the Lord?

Mother's Wisdom 4 years of age: My mommy can do anything! 8 years of age: My mom knows a lot! A whole lot! 12 years of age: My mother doesn't really know quite everything. 16 years of age: Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned. 18 years of age: That old woman? She is 'way out of date! 25 years of age: Well, she might know a little about it, if she can remember it. 30 years of age: Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion. 35 years of age: Wonder what Mom would have said about it? 40 years of age: Wish I could talk it over with Mom. 45 years of age: Wish I could tell Mom she was right... Author Unknown I could hear you now, Mama...... I know how to listen now, Mama.......
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